The Running Has To Stop

        Had a dream today where I was stuck inside the FBI building when I was actually a fugitive trying to run away from them. At one point I carried a loved one out of there too. We (two other friends tried to help me out – guess they were fugitives too) ran a lot all the time – physically ran so much. Always nervous about what would be present around the corner.

       Finally we did manage to steal a car – it was a comfortable car. No more running but the fear of being caught was omnipresent. My heart was still beating right out of my chest. They did manage to catch us. We were held in a room with three officers. I had a brilliant idea and blinded two and almost the third one as well. I could run away but the others could not – they wanted me to be free. I ran like crazy. There were two options in a side alley, either up a flight of stairs or down a similar type of stairs. But I just couldn’t run. I was tired from all the running. I realized then that I didn’t need run – I could just walk. I decided to walk up to the stairs and decided to go down – mostly because I was still tired from the running. But the FBI folks thought I would be running and went ahead – they didn’t expect me to be walking. I was free for now.

     Was I running because they were chasing me? or were they chasing me just because I was running?

Who are you fooling?

I got to know about the imposter syndrome through this post. And the only reason the first lines hit me so much is because I think I fool everyone into believing that I’m much smarter than I am.

Maybe it’s a good thing that I don’t consider myself very good at my job – so I’m constantly trying to improve. But at the same time I may be getting into the cycle of looking for gigs that are below my potential. It gives me a secure feeling. I liked the line that meant a project is not worth taking if it does not scare you shitless – but being scared all the time is not a good feeling either.

I'm in a good place right now - mostly because I'm overlooking a lot of projects. So I don't get the time to fuss about these things and I oversee people who have lesser experience and logic.

But does that mean I'm not fooling anyone?

Books

I read – therefore… well I read. I’ve realized that I read more and more these days. I’ve always been the one to read up about latest trends in the world of the intertubes. Procrastination – I think not – more like a passion to collect information that enhances future problem solving capability. I use this information to do things that lead others to say – “why doesn’t everybody use/do this?” It’s only because they don’t know.
I’ve always done most of my reading on the pc. Why? Lots of reasons –

1. My office was a 15 min walk away from home.
2. Had an awesome unlimited internet connection.
3. I spent most of my time in front on the pc – I’d stopped watching television since everything could be downloaded.
4. Even though it would drain my time away – I liked reading online.

I always used to think of myself as an internet gopher – well turns out I just like to read.
This started when I made a new best friend – someone who had a repository of books I could access. I’ve been reading throughout this year but I’ve been reading regularly since August ’09.
I don’t especially like sleeping in the train ride to my new work place so I prefer to read. It makes me feel productive too.

Stuff read - (Since August)

• Life of Pi
• Super Freakonomics
• My friend Sancho (which I feel the need to mention had almost no reference to aforementioned Sancho)
• Two States
• Against All Odds
• Jurassic Park
• Bourne Identity
• A Fine Balance (which I’m currently reading)

 Drop me a comment if you have any suggestions for books that I must read.